On earth, I mean. What’s your reason for being here? What is your purpose?

Do you even care?

I mean, let’s face it: for most of us, life is a series of events that happen to us, strung out over a period of years. We’re born, we struggle, we die. What’s my purpose for the day? To get through until tomorrow. One day at a time, one day to the next. Some high points, more than a few low points, but mostly just . . . surviving.

If that resembles you, and you’re tired of it, here’s a book that can help: Life on Purpose: Six Passages to an Inspired Life, by Dr. Brad Swift.

As I read the book, something that I’d heard Neale Walsch say in the movie The Secret kept popping in my mind. He said people look around for the big blackboard in the sky, upon which is written their purpose in life. If they can just find the blackboard, everything will be all right. But, he says, the blackboard doesn’t exist. So, your purpose is what you say it is.

And you have a purpose, whether you realize it or pay attention to it or not. Your purpose, the meaning of your life, is what you say it is, every morning when you get up. It’s what guides you through the day.

Is your purpose a meaningful one? What if you could change your perception of your life, revise your focus, make changes in the way you think, feel, and act, and do it in a step-by-step methodical way? What if you had a roadmap to guide you? What if you had someone sitting there in the passenger seat as a guide, showing you the way, teaching you how to slow down and actually live for something? Dr. Brad is just that–a coach that can help you rediscover your reason for being, if you want to.

Dr. Swift not only shows you how to clarify your purpose in life–the step-by-step roadmap–but also gives the “why” of what you’re doing. When you understand why something works, you can adapt and reapply that same concept in other areas of your life, in other situations. Instead of just memorizing a step, you’ve learned a technique.

The first step is to take the first step . . . and the first step is to read Dr. Swift’s book, and act upon what you read. The rest will unfold. . .

This is Stop #6 on the Book Blog Tour, a special event highlighting Dr. Brad Swift’s new book, Life on Purpose: Six Passages to an Inspired Life.

This post was not a paid review. I was furnished a complimentary copy of Dr. Swift’s book for the purpose of review.

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Why do you get up in the morning?

Is it just to get through this day, and the next, just trying to make it through to the weekend? Do you wake with a sense of futility—a sense that this day is going to be just like yesterday, and tomorrow just like today? You come home, eat a little dinner, drink a few pops, watch some tv, wander off to bed after you get on the kids for not finishing their homework.

On the weekend, maybe you’ll get out to play a little golf, or cut the grass, or plant some veggies in the garden. But all through those two days, in the back of your mind, like a nagging little shrew, is the thought that on Monday morning, it’ll start all over again. And, in another 30 or 35 years, you’ll get a gold watch as a reward for all your hard work. That oughta get you a few bucks at the pawn shop.

What if…?

Have you played that children’s game with yourself since you ‘grew up’? What if I could learn to fly like I’ve always wanted to? What if I really could have that car I’ve always wanted? What if I owned the company and could play golf in the middle of the week?Why don’t you take a few minutes and play ‘what if’ with yourself? Go ahead, write a few things down. Just play along with me here for a little bit. I’ll wait.

Wouldn’t it be nice…?

I want you to do a little exercise here. Take a look at what you just wrote. Now, instead of asking “What if?”, ask yourself, “Wouldn’t it be nice if …?” Go ahead, take your time. Really think about it. Wouldn’t it be nice to be sitting in that airplane seat, watching the propeller go around and around, feeling the vibrations, anticipating smoothly pushing the throttle in…picking up speed, feeling the expansion joints in the runway hit faster and faster…then, in an instant, you’re free from the confines of the ground, floating…flying.

Why have you given up on yourself?

Why is it that you’ve believed the people, including yourself, who’ve told you that what you want is impossible, that you should just ‘get real’? That’s what I want you to do, the next step. Get real. Get real in your mind what it’s like to do what you want. But you have to get real. Really, really, real. You have to feel the butterflies and excitement as you pull into the parking lot of the motel in Las Vegas, the thrill of knowing that the next morning you’ll be in the seat of a 200 mph race car as you go through the Richard Petty Driving Experience on the one and a half mile oval of the Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Do you know what it’s like to have 600 horsepower at your fingertips?

So take the time to get real with your dreams, your goals, your deepest desires. Do it every day. Don’t wish it. Be there. Be at the speaker’s podium of a blogger’s conference, talking to hundreds of your fellow bloggers that have paid lots of money to hear what you have to say. Be in the seat of the race car, watching the bleachers go flashing past at 150mph.Be there in your mind, and believe that it’s a foregone conclusion, and the doors will open for you. Because you’re attuned to it, you’ll see possibilities you’ve never seen before. You don’t know exactly how it will happen, but you know it will. And when the way is shown to you, jump on it. Do whatever is required. You may have to do some prep work first. You might have to actually learn to drive before you can drive a race car. But don’t worry about that, and don’t overly question the roadmap when you see it, because that really is exactly what you’re seeing now–a roadmap for you to follow to make your dreams a reality.You think maybe now there’s a better reason to get out of bed in the morning? Just a little?

That’s ok—it’s a start.

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Pam at Make the Most of U wrote a great response (and tagged me in the process) to Aaron Potts’ request for ‘Simply Successful Secrets’, an interactive research project that he’s started (which also included me, I see, but I missed the request somehow).

I really like seeing discussions like this, because when I start to think about the questions, I notice areas in my thinking that could use improvement or even complete overhaul.

Take success, for instance. When I first thought about how I would respond, my initial thought was, “I can’t answer this. I’m not successful.” Then I proceeded to list to myself all the reasons why I don’t think I’m successful (remember—the mind will give what you ask of it): there’s bills that aren’t paid because I’m not taking the actions that I should take business-wise because my brain is so messed up and there’s so much baggage that I can’t get around because I’ve tried everything I know and nothing’s worked because I’m no good at this stuff because I don’t try hard enough because I’m not worth anything…

Short story is I let myself go way off the deep end. After I realized what I was doing (it took a while, I’m not perfect), I made a herculean effort to change my internal conversation. “When I am successful, what do I do?”

“Nothing. You’re not successful.”

“Shut up. I am too. Get back in your cave, little man. Brain: what do I do when I’m successful?”

After some back and forth, the angelic little man on my other shoulder (remember the football field scene in ‘Animal House’?) told me things that I do when I’m being successful. So here’s my list, in no particular order:

1. I am.

This is the ‘being’ part of the have, do, or be anything you want in goal setting. It’s not exactly what most goal-setting coaches have in mind when they say it, but I think it comes first. Before you have and do the things that the person you want to be has and does, first you have to be that person in your mind. If you don’t know how that person would be, find someone you can model. Or find several people and take the best qualities of each.

2. I read daily.

I read constantly. Books, blogs, etc. Used to be, before I was successful, I read fiction books. I was absolutely hooked on action/suspense books. Tom Clancy, Dan Brown, J.D. Robb, etc. I still read those occasionally, when I want a little break. But now I read things that help me reach for new possibilities. As a matter of fact, part of my herculean effort above was to read. I read, front to back, a book named The Greatest Networker In The World, by John Milton Fogg. It was intended as a training tool for network marketers, but is more of a training tool for life and life changes. I highly recommend it.

3. I exercise regularly.

Lately, irregularly would be a better description, but I still do. My little spider-bite ordeal kept me from being as active as I like to be, but I have substantially recovered from that so it’s not as inhibiting. I go to the Y a minimum of 4 times a week; more if I can get there. Sometimes I work on the stair machines and treadmill, sometimes walking on the track, sometimes swimming. When the kids go, it’s all swimming. That’s the best workout I get, truthfully. My kids could wear me out!

4. I spend time with my goals.

I’m building on my vision board, which resides on the wall to the left of my computer monitors. I have my goals written down (do you?), and I spend some time throughout the day visualizing them, sometimes modifying them if they’re not quite right.

5. I spend time with myself.

In the morning, I make a special point to think about the things in my life that I’m thankful for. If I can’t think of more than 4 or 5, I know it’s time for an attitude adjustment. I also take an hour or two each day to read, to work with a Neuro-Programming program I picked up, and some time in my version of meditation. I’m not very good at the meditation thing yet, but the NP program is helping that. I’m finding it challenging to quiet my mind. It seems like it’s always going. During meditation, I accept the thoughts that enter, dismiss them, only to find that another has taken its place. Meditation is a work in progress for me.

6. I do something to promote my business.

One of the areas that I could do better in. This, truthfully, is where a lot of my personal work is taking place. Talking to people, learning to be comfortable in selling situations, just doing something. My comfort zone has not included direct interaction with other people. So, I’m improving that, little by little.

7. I spend time with my family.

Part of this is necessity: we homeschool our kids, and that does take a chunk of time during the day. There’s also piano lessons, recitals, nightly reading, RC airplanes, and of course our twice-weekly jaunts to the YMCA. I used to be a hermit in the computer room, and my family life suffered. Now it’s better. Focus, you know.

So…

…while I’m not yet what most would term wildly successful in some areas, that will show up in it’s good time, when I’m ready for it. I understand that. All I can do is what I know — then watch, and adjust.

That’s all any of us can do.

Thanks Pam and Aaron for the shoulder tap. I’m not going to tag anyone specifically, but I would enjoy comments and linkbacks telling me what YOU are doing to be successful in your life. If you don’t think you are, tell me what you would be doing if you were successful.

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Do you really know what you want? Or do you just know what you don’t want?

Big difference here. Major. Profound.

You don’t want to wear the red shirt to the party tonight. What do you want to wear?

You don’t want the bills any more. What do you really want?

You don’t want to be fat. What do you really want?

Get clear what it is you do want

This is so important. You’re putting your order into the warehouse. “Don’t send me this.”

Does the warehouse ping you back and ask, “Okay, what should I send you?”. Nope. It just takes your order. But it loses the “Don’t” part. It doesn’t work on “do” and “don’t”. It just works on “send me this”.

So get clear on your goals–what you want. You have to be focused here on what you want. You want prosperity, not ‘to get out of debt’. You want fitness and vitality, not ‘to not be fat’. You want confidence and enthusiasm, not ‘to not be afraid’.

Easier said than done, but it’s vital to your success that you get it done this way. If you keep thinking in “don’t wants”, that’s what you’re still going to be getting.

Work on it. Master it. It will change your life. Guaranteed.

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When a new, inspired thought comes into your mind on how to achieve something you want, what is your next thought? Is it, “Wow! That’s fantastic! I’m on it!”? Or is it something like this, with a dejected look, “That’ll never work. I’m too [ugly/short/fat/stupid/lazy/broke/tall/skinny]. That’s just not me.”

Don’t answer. I know what you’ll probably say, if you’re being truthful.

Don’t you think it’s time to get past that?

My challenge to you: when a new idea pops in, immediately write down 10 ways that you can get it done, or reasons why you can do it. Brainstorm a little. Give yourself a little credit, eh? You’re resourceful. Use your resourcefulness to come up with a bunch of reasons. Then write them down. That’s important.

Your knight in tarnished armor

There’s always going to be the little guy on your shoulder telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t try something. That’s ok. He’s there to protect you. He just doesn’t know that while he may be protecting your ego, he’s hurting you in ways he doesn’t know. So–tell him to be quiet. Say, “Thanks for your concern, but it’s time to go back to your hole now.”

One more word of advice on the little guy: don’t hold conversations with him. Tell him to go away, then give no more attention to him, at all. Giving him attention makes him stronger. Withhold your attention, and his voice will diminish. It will get so soft and squeaky that when you hear it, you’ll laugh. You can thank him for his efforts, and put him back in the closet.

Give your attention to what you want

Back to the positive. When you’ve finished writing your list of reasons, don’t throw them away! Keep them in front of you, and add to them. Give attention to this list of why you can. Concentrate your thinking there. Write more reasons down when you think of them–and think of them you will, when your attention is on why you can.

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I’m going to hammer on these again, because a) I believe that in spite of all the learning that I’ve done, they are still my challenge areas, and b) I believe, through observation and talking to people, that many other people are having the same challenges.

So what are these two ingredients? Goals and belief. More specifically, a clear and concise goal that resonates with you, and your belief that you deserve it and in fact already have it.

I tend to get caught up in the details–how do I accomplish this (whatever it might be). I tend to forget that if I am absolutely clear on what I want, and believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is already on its way, that the how will appear. It won’t take any intensive head-banging to find a way. It will pop right in front of my eyes and all I’ll need to do is to walk through the door.

Of course, there is the question of how to develop effective goals, and how to develop unshakable beliefs. The solution, though (even though it may be a somewhat circular path), is to know that the means to develop those skills will be in front of you when you need them and are ready for them. It may be that you’ll see a blog post that brings forth a new idea or new way of thinking or it may be that you’ll see a book and have the feeling that you really should read this. Your job is not to make it happen, but to let it happen.

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I don’t often link to Steve Pavlina’s blog — not because he doesn’t have anything good to say, he does — but mainly because everybody else links to it and I have a basic aversion to being like everyone else
Today, though, I’m going to because I think he makes an important point that a lot of people (including myself) miss when the set out to accomplish more in their lives. The point is that you have to believe that you already posses that which you want, whether it’s a personal quality, material goods, or whatever. You have to be that which you want to be. Sounds like a conundrum, and almost impossible, doesn’t it?

Tony Robbins touches on it in his Awaken the Giant Within : How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny! book, in the chapter on identity. Wendy Piersall can also tell you of the power of an identity change.

The short version is that until you are so immersed in your accomplishment that you know without a doubt that what you want is you, you will hinder your desire’s achievement. You have to be in the place that any contrary behavior is completely foreign to your being. For instance, if your goal is to be a non-smoker, you have to be in the place where when you get up in the morning, the thought of smoking a cigarette either doesn’t occur to you, or it fills you with such distaste that you consider it only for a moment. You ARE a non-smoker. You don’t like cigarettes, and you can’t understand what attracts people to them.

Anyway, check out the podcast at StevePavlina.com Podcast #018 – Faster Goal Achievement for further enlightenment on this important concept.

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Thoreau said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I am not a fan of overused quotations; the impact, especially of inspired thought, is diminished–unless time is taken to reflect upon what was said, rather than thinking, “oh, that is profound”, and continuing with the day.
I think few of us question the accuracy of Thoreau’s observation.

Why is it so, then?

I believe it has much to do with the absence of purpose. An absence of a goal to strive for–a mountain to climb, a river to cross–induces a buried hopelessness, the persistent question, “Is this all there is?” One’s answer to this internal question determines whether one’s life is led in ‘quiet desperation’–or quiet determination.

Those people who live mostly in desperation do so because they’ve been, deliberately or not, blind to the fact that they can steer their own lives, and not merely be adrift. One can be the tillerman of one’s own lifeboat, so to speak. Determination of one’s destiny need not be left to fate, or chance.

That one has control over one’s life can be, is, a frightening thought and one that many run away from. If responsibility is taken, the cost is high–it is the knowledge that responsibility for failures goes hand-in-hand with the responsibility for success. Rather than taking the blame for failing, it is much easier to lay it at the feet of ‘chance’ or ‘luck’ or outside circumstances.

But the price of refusal to ‘take the wheel’ is also high: a life led in ‘quiet desperation’.

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I made a post the other day about looking to the basics when you’re troubleshooting a problem, which caused me to ask myself some questions:

• when a person sets out to improve their life and encounters less-than-optimal results, what could they be doing wrong?
• why, when someone is very knowledgeable in the personal development area, does there appear to be little or no improvement?
• what are the fundamental bits of knowledge that are essential to making changes in a life?
• what exactly is the sequence of change–what happens first?
• which technology has the best results for life changes?

I thought about these questions in a global context, but they came to me because of some frustration in my own life, in my own improvement process. “Why can’t I make this stuff work?!”, I asked me. “Whoops! Wrong question!” (I am making some progress! The quality of your questions dictate the quality of your answers, which is food for another post…)

I believe that I can change my life. I believe that I have the influence and the tools to make that happen. So what might I be doing incorrectly? Ahh…a better question.

When we’re trying to make changes, a lot of us experience a feeling of being overwhelmed. There is so much to change! Where do I start? How do I do it? When do I do these things? My life is already so busy! Why is this technology better than the others I know? What works better? Which one do I use? My brain starts to feel like a pinball.

Feeling overwhelmed is not conducive to change. My reaction to intense overwhelment (is that a word?) is basically to curl up in a little ball in my mind and whimper, looking for ways to make myself feel better. That manifests into actions that don’t really help in getting where I want to go: watching movies that make me feel worse instead of better, reading books, articles, web pages, etc. that do the same. Behaving in ways that aren’t congruent with the person I know I am–which makes me feel even worse. A giant downward spiral…a descent into the maelstrom (apologies to Edgar Allen Poe).

So with my post in the front of my mind, I realized that I was treating my life the same way I was treating the car that wouldn’t start: I am not paying attention to the basics. (That, by the way, is what a good coach can do for you–help you focus on the things you know, and guide you back to the basics. Thanks, Wendy! More on coaches later…)

What are the ‘basics’?

Tony Robbins calls this the ‘Ultimate Success Formula’–and it is that. These are the basics to making any changes in your life; really, the basics of making progress in any area:

1. know your outcome
2. take action
3. did it work?
4. adjust your approach if you need to

There it is! That’s all that anyone needs to know to begin to make changes.

The thing that annoys me the most is that I could give you that sequence of steps in my sleep. It’s ingrained. But I also bury it and look for more complicated answers when I ask, “Why isn’t this stuff working?”

The correct answer, of course, is that I wasn’t following the formula. I was looking for the complicated answers when the true answer was right in front of me.

If you take a few minutes to really think about the above formula, you’ll realize that, just like the law of attraction, it is always working. Do you see? They are the basic steps we take, without realizing it, to accomplish any task in our daily lives, from taking a shower to starting the car, to eating from a plate.

1. there’s a pile of peas on your plate. You want them in your mouth. That’s your outcome.
2. you scoop them up with your fork, and lift. There’s your action.
3. you notice that most of the peas fell off your fork. You see that your action didn’t quite achieve the outcome you wanted. You ask, did it work?
4. you smother your peas in honey–maybe that’ll keep them on the fork. You adjust.

Then you start over again with step 1: lift a forkful of honey-smothered peas to your mouth. It worked!

So, we do this all the time without thinking about it. We also tend to ignore or bypass it when we start thinking about and trying to make changes in our lives. We get too complicated.

If your life isn’t working, get back to the basics. Use the formula.

Know your outcome

That’s another way of saying, set goals. Know where you’re going. Get very clear about this. Clarity is essential. Write them down, look at them every day. You should be able to rattle off your top 10 or 20 goals without even thinking about them. Try it. Can you do that? If you can’t, then you need to start here.

Take ACTION!

Take massive action. DO something, even if it turns out to be wrong. How will you know what to adjust if you haven’t DONE anything? Don’t just sit and think about it. You’ll think yourself into old age, in the same chair. In some things, of course, you’ll want to have some basic knowledge about what actions to take. You wouldn’t, for instance, jump off a 10-story building to test your idea of a radical new parachute. Use some common sense.

Notice whether it’s working

Pay attention! Analyze the results of your action. Is it taking you closer to or further away from your desired outcome? Make some wise decisions about what you’ve noticed. It may be that the results aren’t analyzeable at an early stage. But still be aware, and make an intelligent decision about whether or not to continue on the same course.

Change your approach if you need to

Everything you try isn’t going to work, just like with the peas on a fork. So try something new. Don’t just scoop another forkful of peas up and hope for a different outcome. It won’t happen! Use your brain. Get more information, learn a new approach, a new technique. Then go through the steps again.

So there it is. That’s what to do when your life isn’t working. Follow the steps. Don’t run off through the berry patch looking for the magic berry that’s going to instantly transform your life. You don’t have to look very far to find the answers. They’re right in front of you, right now.

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I don’t remember where I came across this, but if you want to ensure that you don’t reach any goals you set, this list at Achieve-IT! is one of the best lists ever. I’ve actually done every single one of them at one time or another!

The ten steps you can take to guarantee failure:

1. make your goals vague
2. make your goals difficult to visualize
3. think and speak negatively about your goals
4. avoid planning incremental steps
5. don’t do—talk
6. wait until you’re motivated
7. don’t set a date
8. list why it’s impossible
9. don’t research your goal
10. think of anything except your goal

That’s a pretty definitive list, wouldn’t you say?

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