Depression – it really CAN kill you

Did you know that it’s estimated that almost 20 million people in the United States are ‘clinically’ depressed? And that many people that could be considered as depressed don’t know it? They don’t know that what they’re feeling isn’t normal, that they don’t have to feel this way. Clinical depression means depression that isn’t caused by a recent trauma of some kind. Severity ranges from mild to major, depending on the symptoms and the impact on the sufferer’s daily lifestyle.

What I’ve got they used to call the blues
Nothing is really wrong
Feeling like I don’t belong
Hangin’ around
Nothin’ to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

Rainy Days and Mondays, The Carpenters

Depression isn’t the ‘Monday morning blues’, or having a ‘down day’. Clinical depression, whether mild or major, is a pervasive, potentially serious illness. It can have profound health consequences as well as having a great impact on day-to-day living. Severe, major depression can completely immobilize a person, even causing a complete withdrawal from daily living–or a withdrawal from actual living, in the case of suicides.

Consequences of depression can include:

  • increased risk of suicide
  • an increase in the production of stress hormones like cortisol
  • decrease production of sex hormones and reduce sex drive
  • can cause permanent memory damage if untreated
  • increased risk of stroke, asthma, heart disease, cancer, pneumonia
  • an elevated risk of returning to addictive behaviors such as smoking, drug use, or drinking
  • aggravated feelings of anger and hostility

So, if depression isn’t just ‘the blues’, what is it? How can a person recognize that they may be suffering from actual depression so he or she can take steps to deal with it?

What depression is and isn’t

The following symptoms come from the psychiatric ‘bible’: the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the book that mental health professionals consult to diagnose mental conditions.

A mild disclaimer: I am not, nor have I ever been, a psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health practitioner, or even a health practitioner. The information contained in the following articles is based solely on my own research of online and offline materials, additionally on personal experience with major depression. If, after having thoughtfully read this post, you feel you may be suffering from major or clinical depression, I urge you to seek competent help from a health practitioner.

depression by PicassoSevere depression can be characterized by the experience of 5 of the following 9 symptoms for a period longer than two weeks, and that you haven’t experienced a major traumatic event in the last 18 months, such as the death of a loved one. In other words, it’s not just ‘feeling down for a couple of days’, and it isn’t completely caused by recent emotional trauma. In addition, in order to be classified ‘officially’ as depression, at least one of the first two conditions must be present. If at least one of those conditions isn’t present, it’s not likely that you’re suffering from depression–but there might be something else going on. That’s why it’s important to not try to deal with depression by yourself. There may be an underlying medical cause for some of the symptoms that needs to be addressed.

9 Symptoms of depression

  1. deep sadness or a feeling of emptiness or apathy nearly every day for the past 2 weeks or more
  2. diminished interest or pleasure in all or nearly all activities for the past 2 weeks or more
  3. a decrease or an increase in appetite, causing you to lose or gain more than 5% of your body weight
  4. sleep differences of more than 40 minutes from your norm, either more or less
  5. agitated or irritated with yourself or others, or physically moving slower than you usually do
  6. extreme fatigue or loss of energy
  7. feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt, or a feeling that you’re just not useful any more
  8. a diminished ability to think or concentrate, or having trouble making everyday decisions. A decrease in your ability to make sound decisions
  9. recurrent thoughts of death, or having seriously contemplated hurting someone else. Serious contemplation of or attempting suicide.

NOTICE: please — if you are currently having serious thoughts or plans for suicide, please, please, get in touch with a health practitioner. You can call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis.

In the next article, we’ll explore those symptoms in a little more detail. In later articles, we’ll discover some of the causes for depression, and some of the things that can be done to lessen or eliminate depression.

This article is the first in a series about depression: how it can affect you, ways you can recognize it, and some things you can do about it.


  1. Christy says

    I know I have a serious problem. I have had suicidal thoughts and dreams of my death for more then 10 years. This illness has kept me from having a “normal” life and I have pushed away everyone who gets close to me. I have a good career but worry that I may soon lose that too due to my numbness and loss of memory. I know I need to get professional help but dont exactly know where to start. How to you tell someone about your depression and how do i know they will even take me seriously. I couldn’t bear the ridicule

    • says

      I’ve never had anybody to talk to about my what I think is depression. I’m a 28 year old female and I have two beautiful kids and its so hard with them .I get so frustrated for the most will things. Although I did have a really bad life as a child and I lost my parents when I was 12 and you know I’m also shaky all the time I’m not interested in any of the things that I know I never would have giving up. I’ve also lost interest in my boyfriend that I’ve been with for over a year. I’m always sad and I always feel like I’m alone even when im not. I mean I can be in a full room of people and I will literally feel like I’m all by my self. My boyfriend thinks I’m just always PMS n . but its soooo much more than that. He thinks I’m thinking or hideing something or that I don’t love him. But I love him so much . but I want to marry him. I can’t live my life the way I want and need too. Because I find myself crying all the to.e and I have no idea why. I wish I can do something to just be normal again. I also have the crazy mood swings and loss of appetite. But I seem to be gaining weight. I have no idea I usted to be a size 00 even after my 2 kids but somehow I am now in a size 5 .I’ve gained about 35 pounds and I’m a vegetation how does that happen right. ? I seem to also hate myself and don’t know why other I’ve always loved myself and thought I was pretty but now I just bypass the mirror and cry when no one seems to be around. Because I cry all the time know my boyfriend thinks i m going out of my mind . he don’t pay attention to my feelings anymore. And now for sometime I have no want for sex and its caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I push all my friends away and I ignore my Facebook, and I feel so worthless and less of a woman. I feel like I wanna kill myself every day! I even think how I can do it not just how. How don’t seem to matter to me. Just that I do it fast and there’s no way that I will fail the first time. Although the first time was when I was 9 . I’ve been depressed that long. How do I live with myself? What stops me now ???? My kids the thought of my children living without me. !! That’s what stops me! I think about talking to someone like a professional. But I looked up on the web that a woman got her 4 Kids taken away from her for just being on meds for depression. I don’t ever want to lose my kids because I wanted help to make there lives better. That lady talked with me on Facebook she never got her kids back even though she was proven to be completely stable by the doctor. So what do I do take that chance. I don’t think so. I’ll just keep sitting on the edge of of the 53rd floor of my apts and just think about jumping but I won’t because I can’t leave my kids all alone!! But I still have a lot of problems in my life with what I think is depression but not sure because I’m afraid to see a doctor. Some people think that I’m really going crazy. They say that I’ve changed a lot, like the way I think and what I say. They say that I’ve turned very bitchy and mean plus I heated to love to cook but now you couldn’t pay me enough to do it I have no unrest in life.sometimes I throw stuff over stupid arguments with my boyfriend and I say stuff that is not at all like me.I sometimes feel and think about really bad things like how to kill people that have hurt me in my past or sometimes I wish I would get hit by a car. Or worse to end my suffering. I often wish that I would just stop breathing in my sleep as a matter of fact I pray for that every single night. A nd worst of all , I’ve stopped believing in god because I blame him For all of these terrible things in my life when I gave my life to him. I stopped going g to church and noe my boyfriend wants me to go with him but now I hate god. That’s pathetic I know its pathetic but I’ve changed in ways I hate… I blame god for everything that has happened to me .is that wrong?? Most of the time I do t want to do anything with my life I just want to sit in my bed all day and just feel sorry for myself. I think of ways to kill myself all the time . like should I hang myself, or maybe stab myself in the heart because that’s how its done on CSI Miami. I know I. Not really crazy but try telling me that and I’ll probly yell and throw stuff because I literally feel like I’m really losing a grip on reality. I also slam doors and throw rocks at my boyfriends car and I’m always paranoid like people are always looking at me and judging me even when I k know that their not.I got mor to say to you but I have no charger with me ttyu hope to hear back from somebody that understands me and can relate to what I feel because I feel sloop alone.


      • Bailey baker says

        Your not alone….u just put into words what I’ve been feeling for sometime now. I’m sorry u and I feel this way. Did U ever find help? Did they take u serious? Did they help u?

      • Leslie says

        Praying for you Kathleen. God is the only way. Open your heart and you’ll see changes. Take care xo

  2. says

    Start with the phone book. Mental health professionals will NOT ridicule you when you look for help. They, above all people, know the serious effects of clinical depression.

    They will NOT tell anyone you know. YOU don’t have to tell anyone, either. Whatever you tell a doctor stays with the doctor. They don’t go blabbing all over town. You are protected by law in this, so put that way down on your list of worries.

    If you can’t afford to see a private professional, check the county or city government agencies in your phone book. Call them and see what options you may have. Do it from a pay phone, if you want.

    But do it. Today.

    There are some things, Cindy, that are very difficult to handle on your own. This is one of them. It doesn’t mean that you’re incompetent or weird, or weak-willed. It doesn’t mean anything negative. It means that it’s time to reach out a hand to those who are willing and able to help you. You are not an island.

    Please. Call someone TODAY. You’ll be so glad you did.

    Listen to this song, and its message:

    Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
    We all have sorrow
    But if we are wise
    We know that there’s always tomorrow

    Lean on me, when you’re not strong
    And I’ll be your friend
    I’ll help you carry on
    For it won’t be long
    ‘Til I’m gonna need
    Somebody to lean on

    Please swallow your pride
    If I have things you need to borrow
    For no one can fill those of your needs
    That you don’t let show

    Lean on me, when you’re not strong
    And I’ll be your friend
    I’ll help you carry on
    For it won’t be long
    ‘Til I’m gonna need
    Somebody to lean on

    If there is a load you have to bear
    That you can’t carry
    I’m right up the road
    I’ll share your load
    If you just call me

    So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
    We all need somebody to lean on
    I just might have a problem that you’d understand
    We all need somebody to lean on

    Lean on me when you’re not strong
    And I’ll be your friend
    I’ll help you carry on
    For it won’t be long
    Till I’m gonna need
    Somebody to lean on

    Lean on me…

    “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers

  3. Sue says

    Ten years ago, the man to whom I was engaged committed suicide. I have never been a big fan of life, and after he died, I didn’t see much reason to stick around, missing him terribly.

    I didn’t leave this life only because I am not ‘free’ to do so. I have 2 children from a previous marriage, so have a social and moral obligation to stick around and raise them. But, oh, once they’re raised, I’m outta here!

    It’s strange that while most people see it as a success that I’ve stuck around and raised my kids (they’re almost old enough to be independent now), no one WANTS to see that I simply don’t like being alive. I miss my boyfriend, don’t like working for a living, am not terribly atractive, don’t have enough money to really enjoy life, and find every day to be a burden. I feel like a failure for NOT saying F#$K EVERYBODY! It’s my life and I don’t want it anymore! Every day that I stay alive is another day that I’ve lived for other people.

    People tell me to be glad for my health. I tell them that my health is the problem!

    I find it amusing that my oldest child hates me and often wishes me dead. So I stuck around to raise a kid that wishes I was dead? How ironic.

    It’s insulting to have so many people insist that anyone who does not like to be alive has a disease, a mental illness. I’m not mentally ill…I don’t like it here!

    I detest that I must spend so much of my time doing things that bore me to tears and make me angry…work all blessed day at a job so that I can pay rent and buy food so that I can go back to the blessed job the next day. Work extra hard so that I won’t get fired, only to receive a poor review and no raise. I have ADHD so I am not good at structured jobs, but unstructured jobs don’t pay enough to raise two kids with a deadbeat dad. I buy my kids nice things and make sure we live in a safe neighborhood where they can make friends and go to good schools, only to have them yell at me and mess up the house and threaten me with child protective services, and tell their friends what an asshole I am. Listen to them bicker bicker bicker and fight over doing the smallest chore. Pick up the slack from my ex leaving them totally to me to raise and support.

    Get up tomorrow and do it all again.

    There are some people who just don’t like the human experience and want out. I am one of those people.

    I’ve done the shrinks. I’ve done the antidepressants (gained 75lbs!). I’ve done the family counseling. I still don’t like it here. And I still have to go to work tomorrow.

    I’m not going to leave the planet just yet, because there’s still an obligation to those kids (whom I don’t love anymore, they have just worn me out with their mean, selfish behavior) yet, but I look forward to the day when I can say “Sayonara!” and find some peace.

    Maybe my late boyfriend will be there to greet me. It’s something to hope for, anyway. At least he loved me.

    • Alantra Austin says

      Well u really do love ur kids but u just cnt take this anymore. Trust me i understand just trust in god and u will b ok. He never gives us more than we can handle!

    • Rebecca says

      Sue i understand exactly what you are or maybe going through but you wouldnt have written that if you didnt want help or want someone to talk to. Im sure no matter how you look you will always be gorgeous to someone. When you say you dont want to be here any more i know exactly how you feel hun because thats how I feel each and every day of my life. I may not have two kids or a deadbeat job, but i do understand. This may be crazy but i am a 13 year old female and every day of my life i just want my pain to stop i want it all to end.
      I to have an obligation to stay here because im afraid that if for one minute i leave my family will fall apart. Last year my mom tryed to commit suicide and for the longest time i told myself that it was my fault, When in reality its no ones fault that someone else is depressed its not your fault nor mine that me and you just dont wanna be here. Sue i think the fact the you put your kids into thought before actually killing your self and i very much so think for that you are a good parent and im sure that your kids love you but they are at that age where there going to tell you that they hate you and its all your fault.
      Dont let them ruin what progress you have made in life and with every day i wish for there to be something to bring you a smile and that there is one thing to make you appreciate that god put you here for a reason. Take care and Sue send me an e-mail some time and we can talk more.
      With all the love in the world ,
      Rebecca Lynn♥

  4. Laurie says

    I too feel like you do, but you say your not mentally ill but just do not like life anymore, I would love to give you words of cheer, but I won@t I suggest you spend some time working in a morge looking at some of the dead bodys that cannot move anymore, also you should get a job in the morge reception and see the pain on the faces of the familys that have to identifie there loveones due to natural death or suicide if at this stage you still whish to commit suicide then maybe you cannot be helped, but theres something you are missing, do you really think that anyone can take there own life and just get away with doing such a thing, I DONT THINK SO, your life is not yours to take. TRUST ME

  5. ANTI-REALITY says



  6. says

    Yeah well I have all the symptoms for a few years now everyday. I have never broken a law, hurt anyone or been a bad person. My ex has 4 of my 5 children and won’t let me see them or even talk to them. He bonded out of jail and even got away from homeland security. Being kept from my children is killing me…I can’t stand the pain anymore and no one cares or will help me..I am nothing now..I tried fighting the only ways that I knew and it was not good enough. I will not make it much longer..the depression is destroying all that was good in me…Even God does not hear my prayers anymore…THis is hell

    • Carla says

      Laura, it just rolled 2016 and i came across your reply to this original post. I went 11 years without my daughter because the ex kept her from me and caused me so much pain. Im hoping you are ok. I know how hard it is going without your children. Omg!! Im hoping you will be notified by my reply and i hope to hear from you. Id really like to know if you’re ok and how life has been for you since this post, i stinkin years ago.

      Email me at

      Also, i wrote a book about those 11 years without my daughter due to that douchebag pile of shit who kept her from me and you can be in line for a copy of it for free when i publish it. The facebook page for it is at this link

      I hope to hear from you. Oh yeah…. And “god” is a ficticious sky fairy who doesnt do a fucking thing for people! Depression is serious. Mental breakdowns and long term pain from depression, stess and no support is something that must be treated with lifestyle changes, medication and sometimes even physical therapy. What sky fairy does all that for us?? Wjat sky fairy “takes our pain away”?????

      Im here for you.

  7. Kelly says

    i hate mylife at the moment due to the fact im just 19 and i got pregnant by my ex last year and not once did he visit me and now i called him and said that i gave birth to his daughter where i really and truly i has a miscarriage so one of these days imma drink myself to the mood of sucidal …just gonna jump of a building ….man i dnt knw why i feel like this and me n him where only 2gther for a lil bit but i cant believe me made me feel like this…. i know ur probably finkin stupid young girl but nooooo.

    • ♥Becca says

      I`m sure your a beautiful young lady and you have a lot of life ahead of you. I1m sorry for your lose and that your ex is an asshole but here it is. Love is a connection between to people or many people or things and it doesnt matter if its a person you just met on the street but if you love that person losing them in anyway is going to tear you apart. a broken heart can always be mended and you will find love again but in the mean-time spend some time looking at the stars take a trip to somewhere you have always wanted to go. And Kelly write down how you feel in a journal and when you dont feel like this anymore i want you to go back and look at what you wrote and remember that if you could make it through that pain you can make it through the rest of life. Take life by the balls and show life who the boss is.
      With love always♥,
      Becca Lynn

  8. says

    @Kelly –
    Stupid young girl? No. You’ve made some mistakes, we all have. We all DO. Try very hard to find some help. It’s not easy to raise yourself up from where you are all by yourself. There are a lot of community and free programs that really CAN help you deal with what’s going on in your life. PLEASE seek them out. People WANT to help you. Let them.

  9. dieter says

    sorry. couldn’t read it all. i know depression. it gets me often.
    nearly fifty now.struggle out my last years and let it be over.
    not suicide. suicide thinks it owns me, it doesn’t. one thing i’ve mastered, suicide needs a better reason, many of life’s things elude me, suicide can have me when i’m terminal, cancer or something. dealt a bad hand. couldn’t amount to shit. message to all mothers, everywhere, love your children the consequences are serious. i wouldn’t piss on mine. nasty self centered fucker. still thinks the world should revolve around her. never gave a fuck about me. beat me to a pulp and broke me before i was three. beat me into my teens. hate her with passion that description defies. i was a child. i was innocent. victim of depression. now depression has me. evil stops behind me. break the chain. pray for cancer.

    • nique says

      @ dieter
      I hate to tell you but cancer is not the answer. speaking as someone who’s had experience with such an illness i can only tell you that cancer will make your depression increase & far more difficult to deal with.. and id like to add that its quit insulting to those of us who do have cancer or have had cancer, for someone of such ignorance to pray for such a horrible thing

      • quite insulted too says

        i find it quite insulting that you would choose to take anything as insulting on a depression forum.. and doubly insulted that you would equal cancer and serious depression/suicidal feelings choosing cancer to be the “winner” of this contest of pain.. being equally crass, cancer doesn’t usually last as long, this type of depression usually lasts months, years, or lifetimes.. i suffer both.. emotionally from childhood, physical pain chronically for over 25 years due to neurological issues..I’m not sure which is worse.. been depressed and suicidal enough to kill myself over both.. one suicide attempt was directly due to the pain i was in and my inability to control it due to being homeless.. could i have gone to the hospital that night? yes, but not the whole coldspell or winter.. HYPOCRISY Yes, my first three sentences…m3nastr3a

    • Skylar says

      Dieter, I feel your pain. Most, if not all of my pain and anger comes from my Mother. She is a despicable woman who did awful and terrible things to me. The hardest part is having no one who understands, including my brother and sister who never had to suffer to her ways. Trying to express myself, without anyone understanding, makes me crazy. I have zero self esteem because of her. My whole life she has been kicking me to the ground with either her words or fists. Words hurt more than anything. My hatred for her is ruining my life. I can’t let the past go. I’ve tried.. I wish for illness all the time as well. In fact, my mental state already affects my physical health. I can feel myself dying, and I do nothing about it

  10. Tyla says

    Im 15. and i know us teenagers have our whole life ahead of of. but honestly i dont see myself living to the age of least 20. depression. it can be anything about anyone abuot something i dont know. but i do know is ive been depressed since i was 12. before that i was a happy kid. i loved life. and everything in it. but after i turned 12 things just got me down… ive planned so many ways of killing myself just havnt tried it yet. hang myself. jump off the infront of a carr. jump into the deep end of the sea. you could say im fucked but dont blame me. this is what depression is doing to me. yeah im 15 but like i said i dont see myself living to the age of 20. one day when my mum wakes up and come and wakes me up for school. she’ll find her daughter who has O.D on pills. or slit her throat because she is over life and everything in it. We get one life. i dont know why god gave me mine.

    • nique says

      Tyla, you are young, as am i ,and i can tell you that suicide is not the answer their are many alternatives you just have to find the one that suits you… ive been depressed for quit some time now but i would never consider suicide as an option.. you wont see me go without a fight… we have plenty of time to change our lives around.. trust me ive been threw plenty…parents divorce.. kicked out of my house… feeling neglected… school, drama, boys… and more recently ive been dignosed with caner!!! and PLENTY more!!!!!!! id litterally have to write a novel to explain the hardships ive been through but if i can hang in there so can you!!! dont give up so easy

  11. Mindy says

    To all of you wishing for death! I have wished for death to come upon me for years because I couldn’t take what life had offered me either. But… you don’t live in a fish bowl! There is an entire world out there to see and new experiences to have if you give them a chance. I know because I have done it. I have a daughter who tells me she hates me all the time when she isn’t getting what she wants from me (not what she needs but wants). I have another daughter who was diagnosed anorexic and I watch her slowly killing herself daily by her refusal to eat or seek treatment. Being an adult she has control over her medical treatment at this point. To top that off, just a couple of days ago she was diagnosed with cervical cancer! I can tell you people that when you leave this earth, you may end your suffering but you just begin the suffering of the people who love you. I know because I am watching my daughter die every day and I suffer deeply! I love my daughter and cannot imagine life without her. If you take nothing else away from what I tell you, take this… you will be missed and you will inflict pain on the people who love you. Seek treatment, if it doesn’t work the first time, keep looking until it does, get out there and life life. God gave you your life to do with what you want (its called free will). Don’t sit in that fish bowl and wish for something better. Get up, dust yourself off and start over today. It’s never over until it is over.

    • says

      “Get up, dust yourself off and start over today. It’s never over until it is over.”

      It’s a cliche now, but it’s true. Just do it. No one is going to get help for you. It has to be you. You have to take the first step, reach out. There IS someone out there willing to extend their hand to help. It may take a little bit of effort to find them, but they’re there.

      Thanks for the comment, Mindy.

  12. Billie says

    Ever since my kids been out of my life Ive been really depress,but for some reason I believe in knowing I can realize in times I can catch myself wanting to make me a better person.. JUST DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU WILL FALL DEEPER THAN WHAT YOU THINK

  13. Steph says

    I am 21 and a recent college graduate, I thought once I graduated my life would really start. To be honest, my life has basically come to a screeching halt. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

    I was born with a cleft-lip and pallet so I have never been “normal” all through middle school and high school I was constantly ridiculed for the way I look. I would often attempt suicide but always wake up, or wouldn’t fully go through with it.

    Then, I moved from Chicago to Tampa to go to college and start over. I met an amazing guy, who I love more then anything. Well, since I am doing nothing with my life after graduating because I cannot find a job anywhere I have been drinking a lot to ease the pain. And I haven’t been the best girlfriend after 4 years of being together. So we got into an argument and he left me, he packed up all his stuff and left and won’t even answer the phone for me.

    Just last night I attempted to kill myself and ended up in the hospital but convinced them that I didn’t mean to overdose it was an accident so they didn’t keep me for 3 days. I told myself today that enough was enough and this depression cannot control me any longer, but it is now 12:18 and I am crying uncontrollably because I have no control over my life.

    I just want to find a job in order to make my parents proud and I just want to hear my boyfriends voice one more time. I just don’t want to feel so alone anymore. I swear I cannot feel anything but pain inside my chest. I also just witnessed a man crossing the street and getting killed by a car and in my mind I wished that I was him, I wished that was me getting hit. I just feel like I have nothing left to live for no job no love and no one at home to go and talk with and on top of all of that I have no insurance so I cant go to a doctor. I don’t know what to do anymore or where to turn.

    • says

      One thing I’ve come to realize over the years is that life is what you make it. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes you screw it up. Sometimes it makes no sense at all.

      You have complete control over your life – you just have to come to grips with that fact. You may think you’re spiraling out of control. You might be, a little bit. But it’s never too late to grab hold and keep going. It won’t be a joyride, I can tell you. Some days will be better than others. I think my favorite saying, at least this month, is this: “Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.” It’s what you do with your statue days that’s going to determine where you’re headed.

      The first thing I’d suggest you do is open the phone book. There are a number of community groups and agencies that would love to help you – if you ask, and if you let them. But you have to take the first step. Stop being a victim, stop being a statue.

    • ♥Becca says

      what you said really touched my heart i cried while reading this to me you sound like and amazing young lady,and theres only one way to find what you really needstop looking You have so much to live for. I would really like to talk to you more and actually get to know you so if you wouldnt mind maybe you could send me an e-mail and we could chat more
      With all love i can give♥,
      Rebecca Lynn♥

  14. jean francis cabral says

    am 16 years old i have been depress for at least two years now and i start having obsessive thoughts my parent dont get it and everyday i feel my chest is sbout to pop out and i feel a short in my breath .i also discover that since my depression i find it easy for me to hate people than to love them am kinda scared since i always have those thought that my life is short and i fell a change in my heartbeat it kinda beat faster

    • says

      Jean Francis, I have no answers for you, except to urge you to reach out until you get some help. You don’t have to do this alone.

      People who’ve never dealt with depression really don’t “get it”. They don’t know what it’s like, they don’t understand. You have to get to someone who DOES understand. That’s where you’ll find help, and that’s where you’ll find HOPE.

    • Matt says

      Jean, what you described is exactly what i felt for so long and still feel sometimes today. I know how wierd and scary it feels trying to live a normal life amongst your peers but feeling like you have none of the tools to do so. I used to get inexplainable chest pains and the feeling that i wasn’t getting enough air nomatter what i did. It sounds like you could have an anxiety disorder along with some depression. I have both of these things but for me they are caused by Lyme Disease, an infection carried by ticks. Im only 3 years older than you and just graduated high school btw. Talk to your parents about how you’ve been feeling and try to get some help. I thought i just had terrible anxiety and depression, it turned out to be something completely different causing those terrible things. Get a good test done for Lyme to see just in case and if its nothing like that it could just be anxiety and depression which are pretty treatable but trust me you dont want the pills they put you on, ive been there and still am…. hope this helps.

  15. Marwan says

    During the past 6 or 7 years my life started to fall apart all of a sudden, i always had no confidence cause i look alot younger than my age im almost 22 now, i have the worst relationship with my parents whenever i feel sad or try to tell them any of my problems they just make fun of me, and then all of the people i have in my life started to walk away till this day, and now i have no friends, a family that couldnt care less and everyone just takes me for granted like im a kid and some makes fun of me, im really trying hard to keep intouch with the few people i have but nobody replies back..nobody cares or wants to be a part of my life and i never did anything to anyone,my problem was just that i was always too friendly with everyone. and now im about to graduate from college soon which is also a horrible chapter in my daily life and i just lost all the hopes that i had before.. i cant find a job or any girl to like me cause of the simple fact that i look young, i lost interest in doing all of the activities and im always stuck in my room thinking my life is over and it havent even started yet, im still young and i dont want my life to end now.. i just dont know what to do anymore

  16. says

    i have been depressed lately. idk what to do. i havent been myself. i have been thinking bout dying sometimes. and i barely sleep or eat. i need help. i feel like im alone with nobody out there to help me. im confused and sad all the time

  17. says

    i feel like everyone that i loved has left me and i have nobody else. what do i do. i wish i could hqave a good life. i miss my love ones and i wish they were here with me right now

    • Christy says

      Your not alone. I posted the first comment on here almost 2 years ago and still trying to live with this illness. I have lost two friends/coworkers to suicide and I still think of it often. I have tried medication and it didn’t help. I know some say keep searching for the right medicine but I’m not fond of doctors and death would actually be better then living my life on meds and constant doctor visits. I have a wonderful person in my life but that doesn’t keep these thoughts out of my head. Then I not only feel depressed but guilty for involving him into my world of insanity. No one here needs to feel alone because it may be different reasons we are here but we are all on the same boat. Email me any time.

  18. samira says

    i just wanna die.. since age 12 and now age 20, always wanted to die. i tried to kill myself once, but my sister found me and stoped me. no one knows the reason why i hate my life. i have this disease and due to that i was smokin for 2 years. i cry sometimes alone to release it. if i was dead i wouldnt have the problems i have now. i want to be happy. now my deppression is getting worse coz me and my boyfriend broke up. i really loved him and he left, he doesnt talk to me anymore.

  19. Mandeep says

    Hi am 23 married and i have 1 daughter 2yrs old and i had a love marriage am very depressed cause eveytime me and my husband fight he hits me and i feel like i dont have the courage to do anything. He is verycontrolling and since am an Indian girl we are told not to leave the house but i did course for 12 months midical assistant but i dont wana work i feel like am gona kill my self and i try to do everything but i cant i give up easily and my parents dont support me since i ran away from home and got married to that guy but am stuck and i find no door to get out cause am even scared to leave the house i wish somebody can hold my hand and make walk tht tough road but i know dreams dont come true

  20. Nicole says

    Hello everybody.
    My friends say I’m always mad and depressed and their right. Im about to turn 12 and I’m to young for it. My parents got a divorce and I’m ok with it. My mom gives me so much stress its horrible, my lungs hurt and it feels like I’m going to fall. I’m to young to have depressen but sometimes I get on my crazy side and forget it. Please give me feed back……..

    • Christy says

      Nichole- Can you talk to your mom about your feelings? I remember similiar feelings when I was your age the pain of seeing my mom upset at things and how it effected me so much. Maybe someone at school a counsler or a teacher you trust. I have suffered from depression longer then I’ve admitted and I stayed silent about it while hurting so bad on the inside. Talking does help.

      • Matt says

        weed helps, just puttin that on the table…. sorry to hear about your friends btw…. really thats a horrible thing to live through

  21. Megan says

    I don’t even know why I’m doing this… but I just wanted to let it out… there’s no one else to talk to… so here it goes..
    I’m 13 and have been diagnosed with depression since around fifth grade. My parents didn’t do anything about it and nowadays, they don’t even notice. They don’t care and are too unobservant to notice anything about me. I feel worse every day and recently have stopped sleeping… I don’t know why. I just… can’t. And I’m afraid to tell my parents or talk to them about it. They blow up at the smallest things. I haven’t slept in about two days as of now, which actually is pretty good compared to usual. On the days I do sleep, I get maybe 1-3 hours of sleep total a night. I feel desolate and alone usually throughout the day and am not a very ‘attractive’ girl. Never had a boyfriend and little to no attention in that field. I have a poor self image and am usually picked on in school, which makes it worse, though I’d never tell my classmates this. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have no life outside of my computer, school, and books really. My life feels like it’s… I don’t even know. I feel like Im drowning these days. And I’ve actually recently noticed that my grades are slipping. : / My parents took me to therapy a few times, though not for this reason or anything related to it. I stopped going, I lost interest in it and just didn’t want to go anymore. My parents complied and went on with their normal lives. They don’t even care about me, or so they make it seem, and they always treat my brothers differently. I’m the middle child and the only girl. You think this would make me special to them or something, but I usually feel that I got the short end of the stick. Sometimes I think about just ending this life, when I think about, (as stupid as this sounds), all of the books left unread and the future I could have ahead of me. I do have some will to live, though that might just be my fear of physical pain. I’ve been hiding how I feel for so long, no one notices anything wrong with me anymore. Or maybe they just don’t care, I really don’t know. Anyways… I’ve nothing else that I’d like to type. I’m sorry for randomly ranting on about next to nothing. I just needed to get it out and it’s better that it’s somewhere my parents or people I might know might see it. Thank you.

    • says

      Megan, thanks for visiting and sharing.

      I am not a therapist or mental health professional, so consider the following worth what you paid for it…

      The one thing I’ve found most helpful in what seems like my lifelong struggle with depression is to have a clear purpose beyond myself. In the depths of depression, my thoughts always turned inward, and stayed there. Only when I shifted my thoughts away from ME and on to a greater purpose or goal was I able to operate at anything remotely resembling what I considered to be ‘normal’.

      13 is a difficult age, very difficult. You’re occupied with school, and occupied with yourself – starting to grapple with the questions, “Who am I and what am I here for? Is there a purpose for me being here?”

      I can’t answer to the first, but to the second, I’ll give you this: your purpose is what you decide it is. To some, that may sound secular and simplistic. But I’ll lay odds you know exactly what I’m talking about. You have the power to decide what your life is and what it will mean.

      Why not make it something BIG?

    • Matt says

      i was severely depressed all through half of middle school and through all of high school. The one thing i can say is try your very hardest to have fun while your in high school… take chances, have sex, smoke some weed, look maybe im not the best influence, Im just saying I really regret not making the most of my high school years. I always felt like i was standing on the sidelines watching everyone else have the good times that i so dreamed i would be entitled to one day. I dont want to say life sucks cuz im tryin not to be catastrophically negative right now like i ususally am, but life will never be easy no matter how much you want it to be, there will always be something bothersome right up in your face telling you your not worthy or you a dumbshit, but its all about keeping in mind that your life isn’t yours to take and your here for a reason, im not saying i believe in god and that he ‘has a plan for all of us’ im just saying there IS a pot of gold at the end of this long dark scary tunnel we call life if you just ride it out till the end no matter what comes your way. i know that for a fact.

  22. randi nestor says

    I have a big depression problem and i really dont think i can handle it.i have lost my best friend and dont know what to do.she was everything to me but i somehow showed her how much i loved she is gone.I guess one reason is she is gay and i must have scared her now i am so so lost and feel like i betrayed her,now i have been so depressed for 3 weeks now AND HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT KILLING MYSELF,stupid heh,I TRY TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT BUT ITS ALWAYS ON MY MIND,i feel so useless in my life im known her for 11 years and we best friends forever,im lost in what to think and do

    • says

      Randi, I don’t know what to tell you other than to seek competent professional help. It’s out there, and you don’t have to look very far to find it. Believe it or not, people really DO care, at least most do.

  23. Rebecca says

    I’m Rebecca i’m 14 I dont wanna kill myself I just need advice. My family is going through a lot and i have been through a lot. I have been very depressed for 3 years Ever since i had my first Surgery since then i have has 2 other surgeries on my left leg and each time im not allowed to walk for a curtain amount of time (depends) Last time it was 6 months and i had to leave school. I want to know what to do to make myself feel better. I have been so sad for so long i dont remember what its like to really laugh or smile. Please i need someones help :(

  24. Ryan says


    I’m 17 and have been suffering severe depression for the past 5 years on and off. For that past 3 years I have had the love of my life by my side to pull me through the hard times. I was bullied at school and put into hospital because of it. Me and my girlfriend were bullied because no one wanted us to be together. She was my everything but she left me just over a month ago. I have tried committing suicide 3 times in the last month. She was my everything. I have nothing to live for any more. And before someone says that I’ll find love again, I won’t. She was my one and only. She has torn my life apart. I hate my life. I want to die. I haven’t eaten in 4 days and haven’t slept in 3 days either. I have sat in my room for the past 3 weeks doing nothing and only left to go to the toilet. My parents say I need help. But I don’t like them any more. It was their fault that me and my girlfriend broke up. We promised that we’d spend the rest of our lives together. It’s been killing me seeing her talking to other boys knowing that it hurts me. I love her to pieces and have tried so hard to block these feelings out of my mind. but I just can’t do it any more. She was my air, and now I have no air. My life isn’t worth living. I can’t stop crying.

    • says

      #1 – the harder you try to ‘block these feelings out’ of your mind, the further into the vortex you’re going to go. When you try to block your feelings, you’re thinking about your feelings, and only making it worse. You have to learn, you have to force yourself, maybe for only a few minutes at a time, to place your focus on something or someone else.

      #2 – it may be your parents’ doing that caused your breakup, but you can pretty well trust that they have your best interests at heart – maybe they see something in your girlfriend that you don’t see, simply because you’re too close.

      #3 – your girlfriend is deliberately doing things that hurt your feelings? Why in the hell would you want someone like that in your life?

      I’ve been where you are, at the age that you are now. I’m not making light of what you’re going through, believe me. I was obsessed, like you are.

      You can choose what you focus on during your day. If you keep focusing on your girlfriend, how much your life sucks, how bad things are, that’s where you’re going to stay.

      I can’t say what pulled me out of where I was, what allowed me to go on. Part of it, I know, was that my former girlfriend moved away, far enough that I couldn’t follow easily or I would have. So I was involuntarily forced to focus on other things in my life, like work and the few hobbies I had.

      I also discovered that there really are other girls out there. I also found out that other girls weren’t the least impressed by my “I feel sorry for myself, woe is me” attitude.

      It took me a long time to get a date. But I finally did, and from there things just sort of snowballed. I found out other girls wanted to go out with me – I was just to blinded to notice them. I found out, much later, that I had wasted more than a few opportunities for romance :)

      Ah well – water under the bridge.

      No more platitudes, bud – get out and start getting over this person who’s hurting you. It ain’t going to happen overnight, and trust me, the feelings you have will never go away entirely. But you can live with them. You’re not the first that’s been thrashed this way, and you won’t be the last.

      Get on with your life, quit feeling sorry for yourself. That’s the only advice I can give you, having been once where you are.

  25. alexis says

    no matter what i will always be depressd because of my grandma and mom fighting my mom is starnge and yet im a child sort of? and it hurts so much i wnt to die i hate my life i cry so much i dont no what to do :(

  26. alexis says

    o n im 13 ;( :O it isnt good for somone like from 18 and under to have o much deep depression inside it feels like its eating my soul away :(

    • says

      Have you tried talking to your mom and grandma and telling them what their fighting is doing to you? Probably won’t do any good, but worth a try, yes?

      Is there anyone at your school you can talk to? Counselor, school nurse maybe? Even if they’re not able to help you personally they might be able to point you to somewhere you can go or someone you can talk to that can help.

      You may feel alone, but there are people out there who have devoted their lives to helping kids that are going through the same things as you. But they don’t know who you are – you have to reach out to them.

      Take that one step – reach out to someone who can help you, who WILL help you. Don’t give up until you find them, either!

  27. joe says

    im sad 24/7 always feeling down, i am 18 and it has gone on since i was 14-15, i never seeked help i thought it would go away but it just eat away at me inside. i found myself drinking more smoking more weed like everyday all because keeping things bottled up inside just to keep everyone else happy but it is destroying me. suicide has been attempted and thought about, sometimes i have an ok day but thats usually when i have a bit of bud to kep me going but most days is like Meh. energy has gone and the outgoing boy i used to be isnt there anymore. i am afraid in a way for my life considering i now have heart problems but i never got it checked out because i think they will realised i am depressed and tell my old dear and what not which ithink will ruin my life if they realised y i was depressed. if anyone can kinda help or something id like that. or even just to talk to.

  28. Mary says

    I am nineteen years old, and I’ve been depressed since well I’m not truly sure, maybe since my first semester of college in Fall 2010 or maybe that’s when I saw the glimpses of it. I’ve never been able to ask for help or get help. Ever since I was a little kid I have taken care of my siblings since they were born. I was changing diapers at age six, and never once did I complain, as a kid you see it as fun helping your parents take care of your new baby brother or sister.
    I’ll admit my life hasn’t been some perfect superb life, but it also hasn’t been one resulting in beatings or drugs or anything like that. I have a good life with a family that loves me and cares for me. Yet I’m the teenage birth. The accident that happened. According to my grandparents, I’m the child they wanted and needed. My mom was fourteen.
    I’ve never felt useless and alone until this past few months. It gradually just gets worse. I’ve talked to my mom and she’s only asked, “What reasons do you have to be depressed? I know I’m not the best mom, I know I can’t give you everything you want, but you don’t have any reason to be depressed!” I don’t ask for anything. I work my butt off. I’ve borrowed money a few times and have slowly paid it back.
    When I showed her my cuts and asked for help she wouldn’t touch me. Instead she said, “Don’t do this. Do you want to be locked away?”
    I don’t understand where all of my depression came from. I’ve messed up in college, made decisions that some teenagers make. I don’t smoke, or drink, or do drugs.
    I use to love singing and writing. I’ve been in choir since my 6th grade year and was praised for my singing voice by all my music teachers. Yet now I start and then stop and think, “I’m horrible, I won’t get any where with this.” I start writing and stop and think the same thing.
    I’m a florist at work, and a cashier, and a fuel attendant. I loved my job! Now, I wake up in the morning and think, “What’s the point? All my money won’t stay in the bank. Mom will ask for more again, or it’ll just disappear like always.”
    I go to bed at 10pm and lay in bed till at least 1am trying to fall asleep. I wake up exhausted whether I get enough sleep, or too much, or not enough.
    I hate myself, and I try to get up and change and I know I can’t do it by myself. Mom acts like she’s in denial, she can’t accept that her daughter, who she always relies on, needs help.
    I feel like a defective daughter and granddaughter, a disappointment, a failure, as if I’ll never succeed. I feel like I bring more problems to my family than I’m worth.
    My car broke this week, right when I got this great pay check for once in my life. A check that was going to stay in the bank! …Instead my papa was fixing my car and he said something about being sore from being on the ground trying to fix it. I felt awful because I know nothing about cars and I couldn’t help no matter what because I also don’t know the tools.
    To me…its like having stupid reasons not to live, to be upset, to be sad, that applies to me.
    I’ve helped some of my friends with their suicidal tendencies, I’ve had two boyfriends who both would cut.

    I’ve thought of suicide before, I do a lot. I feel like there’s not any reason for me to exist. I open my mouth to speak and I’m dismissed, its like no one hears me. The room could be totally quiet at home, and no one listens or responds. I don’t exist most of the time. And no one cares if I did just disappeared, they would have more money right? Who cares if its just one less person in the world? Of course, I’ve always had the mind to think of the affect afterwards.

    I don’t want to be another statistic. I want to be happy. I want to feel something instead of this misery. Sometimes I’m really happy during the day and then it comes and bites me in the butt later that night. It rips and tears at me as if it never happened, like I’ve been alone for years and years and always will be.

    But even though I’m here typing this up now, even though I’m still forcing myself through day after day, I keep losing my point. If I wanted to, I could, and God do I want to. Of course that’s who comes up, God. Would he be disappointed, probably. Would my family make it, eventually. Would they be upset, probably. Would my mom and grandparents be okay, probably not. If it was the end now, it would have happened naturally, right? Or maybe I’m suppose to do it?

    I just don’t want to feel useless anymore. I don’t want to be pointless and a disappointment.

    • says

      Mary, I’m truly sorry to hear of your troubles.

      All I can tell you is what I know: that your happiness and feelings are controlled by one person – you. If you allow what others may think (or what you think they may think) about you to influence how you feel about yourself, you’re not really being fair to YOU.

      The best advice I can give is to pay attention to what YOU have control over, and do your best to ignore things you can’t control. You can’t control what other people think, say, or do. You may – MAY – be able to influence it in some cases, but you can’t control it.

      You CAN control your money, but it sounds like that’s a by-product of your relationships – which you can also control. You just have to find the inner strength to do it, and I’m not going to shit you — it isn’t easy to do. You have to work at it, every day.

      I hope you do find that strength, and the clarity of mind to know that because you are YOU, you are worth the world. It’s as simple, and profound, as that.

      I wish you well, and the happiness that is yours if you choose it.

  29. Mason says

    my girlfriend left me. i spent literally everyday making her happy as best as i could. im only a teen and yet i question whether or not i deserve 2 live. facebook destroyed my relationship. what happened was that i thought nothing of what i would post but apparently i didnt realize what i was saying. ive spent the last 5 months wishing i could talk 2 her again. i love her 2 death and would never do anything 2 harm her. since she left all i think about death and pain and hurting myself

    • steve says

      Mason, here’s the best advice I can give you – from someone who’s been there: just make it through the day. Just today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, just today. Do the best you can to occupy yourself with other things and try not to think too much about your gf.

      You won’t get over it easily, but you WILL get over it.

      All of us fuck up. It’s just the nature of the beast. We say or do something that later we wish we hadn’t. But there’s no taking it back. Can’t climb on a time machine and fix it. So you can try, which you obviously have, and when you can’t fix it, you move on. One day at a time.

  30. Brandon says

    I’m a pretty young teen and I just don’t know what’s happening. It has been happening for about a year now and Im positive it will continue. Almost every day I feel helpless, hopeless, and I always think about death. What it’s like, if it would hurt or if it would make me happier. I always feel down and feel like I have no purpose to do anything. I’ve told one person about this but they told me it’s just a phase I’m going through. I hope they’re right because I can’t take this any longer. It needs to stop and I dont know what to do to help myself. Whether I need a psychiatrist or some type of medicine. Can someone please give me advice on how to fix this before it gets even more serious? Thank you kindly.

  31. Chris says

    I’m not contemplating suicide but I’m getting the feeling that I’m worthless I was engaged to a girl for three and. Half years she shone due to not being able to get along I can’t find a job I feel as if I am in a box im20 years old and I’m still living at home with my mom I want to be successful on my own and I want things to work with my fiancée but all it is is wants. They are needs as well but I feel like just giving up because nothing is working out for me and just feels overbearing but my faith will not even allow me to consider suicise

  32. says

    i need help now but i dont know where to start i dont think anyone love me i have been tru alot in my life abuse in every ways no one listen to me i cry everyday from november until no & am not getting any better i went from doctor to doctor & nun of them can help feel pain in all over my body

  33. Janea says

    I am a 30 year old, single black woman. I’ve never had kids. I’ve been pregnant 3X and had abortions each time bcuz my mother made me. I’ve been in all sorts of messed up relationships. The luv of my life cheated on me. we were together for 4 years until he gave me an STD and had a baby by the girl he cheated on me with. B4 that i was dating a guy for 2 years. I gave $1000 to this boy for a car, he then changed his number and avoided me after I gave him the money. Then I refused to date anyone for over 5 years, until I finally gave in to a guy 5 years my junior. He had the nerve to be violent, mentally abusive and crazy. He put me down, lowered my self esteem, ruined two cars: one he kicked and dented, the other he pulled the emergency brake while I was driving and screwed up my transmission. I just feel so alone! I have no real friends. They use me for rides or to “borrow” money that I never see again. My father is never around if I did want to talk. My mother doesn’t take me seriously. All she has to say is “Have you been taking your Meds”? I feel like I may never find the one, or a real true love at all. And I also feel like I will never have a true, loving friendship. Again I just feel so alone! I have taken antidepressants and been in counseling for 15 years! Something has got to give…I just graduated from college in May. I feel like I have no place on this earth without companionship

  34. says

    Thank you sharing this information so sensitively here. A devastating and often ‘hidden’ illness that often people live with low-grade depression for much of their child and adulthood, and don’t even know they have it until they feel better.

  35. Brett says

    My depression comes from complex PTSD. And everyday seems like a challenge. Of course I think about suicide everyday but realize morally it’s wrong and selfish. But, sleeping all day and staying up all night, only eating dinner, not staying motivated, and looking for apathy from my friends is a long tunnel of darkness with no light at the other end.

    My story is this… As a child I was sexually abused by uncle numerous times. He would temp me by saying he has a gift or surprise for me. The first time he sexually abused me was on christmas eve and that’s when I started feeling angry and sad. I never told anyone about my abuse because I was embarrassed and ashamed. He made me feel like it was all my fault. That night, when I was only six years old I started sleeping in my sister’s bed. I peed her bed that night and was abused by my step-father for not being a man. He called me names such as arrogant prick, cocksucker, dumb ass and any other name in the book. My mother defended him that night saying he didn’t mean to throw and kick me into my room. I was tucked into bed by mother and woke the next morning not being surprised because my uncle destroyed my childhood by no longer believing in Santa by luring me in the attic telling me he wanted to show me the train set Santa got for me in the attic. On the morning of Christmas I peed my pants and again was kicked, slapped, and punched into my room. This Christmas memory always haunts my dreams throughout childhood, adolescents, and my young adulthood.

    After this Christmas I was always abused from step-father mentally and psychically. Then a week during my summer vacation my uncle came to watch us because our baby sitter was going to Europe. My uncle molested and sexually abused me every day. The experiences were horrible and made me feel really insecure. He told me if I told anyone he would kill me and make sure that it was all my fault.

    Ever since my uncle sexual abuse I was always angry and sad. Didn’t concentrate in school and always dreaded the bus ride home because my step-father would hit me and yell in my face calling me every name in the book. He would slam my head into the table if I spelled a word wrong. He would throw me from my chair at dinner if I didn’t like what we were having and then throw my dinner on the floor and tell me to eat it like a bastard or a dog.

    I was always shy in elementary school and in middle school I was always getting in trouble. And in high school I was always bullied as a fag or gay. I was even bullied in the locker room by fellow peers by them holding me down and showing me their genitals telling me and taunting me that I’m a cock sucker. I didn’t have a normal childhood or adolescents. I always covered up what happened to me and never told anyone.

    Just recently my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because a much older man found out my e-mail address and was stalking me on Facebook. To keep him from being discovered by my girlfriend, I made a fake e-mail address to keep it a secret. He was telling me that he wanted to jerk and blow me. I just relied back saying the same things but really didn’t want to meet him. I was just trying to keep him away by making those comments because he was much older than me, in his 50’s. He would say he saw me and that I was nice and good looking. I was scared, extremely terrified. Eventually the love of my life found the fake e-mail and broke up with me. I didn’t mean to do it, I was scared and confused. I was embarrassed and angry.

    Throughout my young adult life I smoked weed every since I was 17. And started doing pills and kept it from everyone 6 months ago, even my girlfriend to cover up my pain. When that man would e-mail me I would smoke and pop a pain killer. I tried so hard not to think about the abuse and how this man was virtually stalking me. I just played along because that was my whole life. To play a secret game of never telling anyone anything and making it seem like I was happy.

    After the break up I sought put therapy, medical attention, and psychiatric help. I no longer do drugs to cover up the pain, but the pain that hurts the most is how I hurt everyone around me and my ex girlfriend.

    I’m beyond depressed, lonely, and learning how complex PTSD can inhabit the rest of my life but feel like it was all my fault. It will always be my fault that I destroyed the one who always cared about me, she was my life and bestfriend, and I ruined it with my confusion. I’ll always regret my life.

    I didn’t

  36. Bookie says

    When I look at all these stories I feel like ‘What right do I have to complain? There are much worse situations. Stop being a crybaby and suck it up!’

    But I can’t. I can’t stop complaining. I can’t stop feeling majorly offended at the slightest jokes. I can’stop crying at slightest conflict. I can’t walk beside attractive people even though people say I’m very pretty. I can’t read the depression symptoms without tears. I can’t type without tears blurring my vision. I can’t concentrate in class. I can’t be happy anymore!! I know I can but it’s sooooo HARD!!

    What right do I have to express myself!? Lots of people feel this way?

    I don’t even know how to write all I’m feeling so I’m leaving this comment on this website because I want to learn to smile!! When last have I smiled because I was happy.

    I turned 16 October of 2012 and hope that I see 17 with a smile. I’m currently on my 7th year of depression and on my fifth year of suicidal thoughts. I’m from a christian country and we are very negative towards most things we hear on Western news like suicide and serial killings; not that Nigeria doesn’t have its own share of literal manslaughter and rural gore but I have no one to talk to.

    When my mother forced my suicidal thoughts out of me to her she cried. I HATED seeing her cry. My father and his sisters ‘bullied’ my mom and she ran away with me and my brother: the only children. It wasn’t always this way. We all used to be very happy, until about a year ago and we ran away December last year. My mom NEEDS me. I’ve been her rock for the past year and I don’t want to leave her but sometimes waking up is so PAINFUL. I don’t want my brother to fail in school because he’s traumatized about the death of his sister just when he got his grades up.

    But I really want to die. But the stupid thing is even when I think I hear noises in the dark I run. If I wanted to die I wouldn’t run. That in itself gives me hope that I still have a chance to live a happy life. I haven’t prayed in a while because I feel like I don’t deserve to pray to GOD because I focus on the negative and cast away the positive.

    I want to kill myself before I kill anyone else.

    I remember being eight and watching ‘Women Who Kill’ and other crime and Forensics shows and thinking: ‘people who kill are unforgivable monsters’. But now I have seen the error of my ways; those people weren’t monsters, they were human. I’ve had a horrible temper ever since I could remember. I pulled a girl’s pigtails cuz she ‘shared’ my food without my permission.
    I was two then.

    I want to kill those who offend me especially my roommate in university foundation who pissed me off in high school. In 11th grade I would draw myself killing people (in stickman form with no distinct form but there was a lot of blood). Whenever I got angry I’d clench my fists and shake them trying to control the rage I felt. Everyone other than my closest friends (which were 3 by the way) called me a monster. They ridiculed me. Made me feel worse. I know everyone has their feelings, heck I’m sure somebody wants to kill me too! I wouldn’t blame them. I think my purpose in life is to be an example to everyone of NOT to be.

    Said roommate I mentioned would scream when she saw me. I don’t like her she’d always spout shit just cuz she knew I couldn’t take a joke and ridicule me for my anger. I just wish I wasn’t alive to see these problems sometimes.

    I know that people say ‘be someone you’d be proud to know’. Well, I’d never even befriend myself. I’m scruffy, uncoordinated, not ladylike, talks a lot of random crap that always gets me laughed AT not with.

    I know I don’t have it that bad because I KNOW I have an AWESOME figure and somewhat pretty. But all through 7th and 8th grade in my first school I was known as the UGLIEST. Crap looked even better than me. So I never bothered to comb my hair, ugly people don’t need it. I have a crappy walk step and some even say i’ll never get married! It hurts so much but I try not to let it show. I’m also a manga FREAK!! To a freaky level but it’s one of the few things in life that I look forward to.

    I’m always afraid to dress up because I care too much about what people would say. When I tried to stand up for myself they would say “WHO TOLD YOU YOU HAD AN ATTITUDE!?” The girl slapped me when I pressed on. In 7th grade I said not in 8th. Then not in 9th. Then it went on till I graduated from High School. I really feel suicide would suit me. A worthless end to a worthless girl. How fitting. Although I’m intelligent I can’t concentrate in class anymore. I was the long distance star in high school (400 & 800) and a very awesome artist and writer. I want to study animation.

    I don’t want to end up a serial killer but death is always on my mind. I know that there are people that care for me like one of my best friends who said if I did he’d bring me back from hell and kill me himself. I love him.

    I don’t want to go, but living as a piece of shit who can’t keep her tears down and feelings controlled is taking a toll on my heart. Sometimes my chest and body hurt so much i want to swallow shredded blades just to numb the pain. I’m tired of being stupid, I want help. I never learned proper etiquette and am quite the slob because I told myself I have to learn to want to live before anything else.

    How am I going to go to college like this? How am I going to get married like this? Will my children love a shittard like me. I’ve gotten so many insults I now believe I am nothing just so I don’t feel heartbreak. But it doesn’t work.

    Please help me. Please. Please. I want to live beside my mother. I want to smile again. For real. I love the friends I’ve made but my inferiority hinders my living.

    I think I’ll copy and paste this on my laptop because truth is I want a friend to talk to; but who wants to talk to a Psychopath or someone who is death obsessed?

  37. wendell says

    Reading this article/post, then reading all the commentary and entries, i can’t help but feeling even more depressed than i already am. I’ve been depressed for so long now that it seems normal. Like this is just how life is supposed to feel. I know it’s not, but thats just how it feels to me. So many thoughts are running thru my head as i write this… I don’t even really know what to say. My life is absoutely miserable. I hate everything. I’m sad all the time and have contemplated a million different ways of ending my life.

    I wasn’t always like this. I used to be the happiest friendliest person in the world. Nowadays, i pretend to be happy or ok just so people will leave me alone and not ask questions. I have a son that i love but hardly ever see or speak to. His mom hates my guts. We were together for 5 years and i loved her with all my heart and soul, still do. I got arrested and had to serve a year in jail when my son was 2 and a half (He’s 7 now). In that time i lost everything, family, friends, my girl, my son, my home… basically everything i knew and loved or cared for. I haven’t been the same since.

    I’ve been free since 2009 and have stayed clear of the things i used to do that got me in trouble, thinking that would help me but it hasn’t. In fact life is so much more difficult now that i don’t even know what to do. I have a criminal record (and btw when i got arrested i was trying to get some money together to do something special for my then girlfriend/sons mom for her birthday) so it’s extremely hard to find a job. I almost never eat anything and am basically skin and bones. I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to so i stay to myself pretty much all the time. I live with my mom, her boyfriend and my younger brother. I’m a grown man and feel completely worthless because i can’t even provide for my son (who i rarely see anyways) or help support my family. I want to die so bad and be done with it but i’m too cowardly, at least for now, to do it myself. I know this must sound so pathetic and it is. But everything inside me has given up.

    Most days i stay in my room and don’t speak to anyone i live with. I wanna cry all the time and fight back tears because i don’t want them to see me looking weak. Smh i wish i had a gun, i’d just do it and get it over with. To anyone reading this who is or has ever contemplated suicide because your life is miserable and depressing, i feel your pain and wouldn’t even try and talk you out if it.

    People always say, oh… you shouldn’t think like that or you have so much to live for or think about how many people will be hurt if you do that, well guess what? No one is thinking about how much i suffer every single day. LIVING IS TORTURE and i’m anxious for it to be over. God forgive me but i swear everything i’ve said is the truth. I don’t even care anymore…

    • Daniela says

      Dear Wendell,
      I’m not going to say that I understand how it feels to have lost my home, spouse, son and other things that came along with that because I have never been through that.

      However I absolutely understand that dreadful feeling of losing my happiness and everything around me. I spent at least three and a half years with a deep chronic depression. I understand how you feel when you say that life is torture and you just want it over with. I know that life seems horrible right now, but believe it or not my years with depression were also some of the best years of my life. You know why? Because I saw a different aspect of life. I saw how horrible it can feel. I understood it. I look back on those years and I say I am absolutely much happier that that happened to me.

      What happened to you, happened for a reason! Everything you know has fallen apart, but only so something even better can fall together! Something far beyond your imagination.

      Now that your doors are closed, you must open new ones. You have fallen, but you better get back up and when you do, you will be stronger then you ever were in this lifetime.

      Now that the world has shown you what harm it can do, you take that harm and you smack the world back in its face. You say YOU DON’T KNOW ME AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF!!!!!

      You set yourself a goal and you say I’m going to do it, just to prove to everyone and myself how amazing I am. You release your inner ambitions and you say I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE THEN THIS!!!!



      Your life can be so much different from now, if you just say I’m happy with my life. It’s ok that all of these bad things happened because this is what was supposed to happen. Life is like this, but if you look at life and say “I don’t care if there are diseases, homelessness, deaths, earthquakes, relationship break ups” then you will be happy because you know that after a hurricane comes a rainbow. This is when you know if you get hit, you won’t care because you won’t get hurt. Bad things in life happen so you are able to appreciate the good things in life.

      The world will never be perfect, but if you move yourself in the right direction then the world is already a better place.
      In order to do this you’re going to have t step up your game and set your goals. Try doing exercise and going running a couple times a week. And when you set a goal, you tell yourself I will never give up until I accomplish this goal. And when things don’t go the way you want them to, or if you do fail a goal, you know that it’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. You can ALWAYS try again, or try something fen better. You don’t give yourself any limits, because there isn’t any. If you say you want to be senator, you better go for it. If you say you want to go to a university you better work for it. If you say I want to be the fastest person alive, then you better run for it! Or if it’s something as simple as supporting your family then you do it. You do it the right way and you give it your all. You never give up.

      Now..the first step is learning to love yourself because if you can’t love yourself then you can’t love anyone else and no one can love you. So do just that, love yourself with all of your heart and soul. And believe it or not, but I love you too. I love you too because I have learned to love the world and you are a big part of this world. But first I began with loving myself. So now I have given you all of my secrets and I hope you use them wisely.

      Sincerely, Daniela

  38. Gerlie May says

    I’ve been depressed for a week now,and its just getting worst.I cannot eat,sleep and do anything.This depression is from the break up of me and the my ex fiance.I love him so much,and its the first time i ever felt like this.But he left me on this kind of situation,he just flew back home at Florida.Im so fed up and so much pain in my heart,depression is killing me.Im doin all my best though,but it doesn’t work.I haven’t eat for almost a week now,and vomitting for nothing.Chest pain is gettin worst and i cannot sleep.I’ just waiting to end this shit,my life sucks.

    • Donnie McFadden says

      A week? Whatever shall you do? You poor thing you. I watched, with my own two eyes, the woman who brought me into this world take her last few gasps of air right in front of me and that was it. Her body lay motionless and lifeless as the cancer had done its part and claimed yet another victory. It seems like it happened yesterday which, in fact, it happened twenty four years ago. February 7, 1989 at around seven a.m. Life hasn’t been the same since and will never be the same. The charade of being in a good mood and acting like a happy and positive individual diminished around the time I was 24. I’m terribly sorry for your predicament and just to hopefully give you some comfort there will be someone to come along and sweep you off of your feet and you will totally forget about that a$$hole who left you. I have been constantly in and out of relationships due to the fact that no matter who I meet and I think “this is the ONE!” that they get sick of me and my bipolarism and my negativity and violent outbursts. I haven’t physically hurt anyone except maybe myself. Punching the fridge or bashing my head in a wall or breaking a door off of its hinges and beating the crap out of my passenger seat in my car(by myself of course)in an empty parking lot or even in traffic is one thing I catch myself doing a lot. I hate waking up everyday and I hate going to work everyday and I hate everything about being in society. I have friends but most of them live in another city or state so either a monthly phone call or a weekly text(most of the time with no response back)is how I stay communicated to let them know I’m still alive. I have an older brother and two older sisters who all live in totally different states. I live in the same city as my dad and he is 77 and what a blast to be around. Lemme tell you. I have a 17 year old cat that I have had since he was four weeks old and he is my best friend right now. I also have a five year old boy and he is my reason to wake up and go to work everyday. When I get to work though, that is when I wish I didn’t exist. I’ve had more than 60 jobs and have been working since I was 15 years old. I’ve wound up quitting most of them basically saving them the time and breath from having to fire me. I’ve only been fired five times and even that feels like an accomplishment. I haven’t ever been in jail. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink anymore. I quit smoking. All of this just so I can watch this little angel of mine grow up and hopefully not end up in the same boat as me. I’ve tried antidepressants and church and Jesus and all of that other “feel good” bullshit. None of it works. If someone ever held a gun to my head I would probably just say “please do it. You’ll be doing me a huge favor.” I do hope for your sake that you find someone else and can move on and are able to find happiness. Depression is painful and I wish it on my worst enemy. Simple as that. By the way, I’m 43 years old. I hope you don’t ever find yourself in the same situation as me. Take care of yourself.

  39. says

    I’ve seen multiple councelers throughout my life since childhood and never felt like I was getting any help or reliefe. I have really bad depression that I experience the feelings of suicide but wont atempt it do to my religion. I’m very sleepy that I’ll sleep all day and nite. I have no interest n anything especially n activitys that I enjoyed doing. I feel useless and living on disability doesnt help that feeling. When people treate me like I’m a breakable really breaks my spirit. I’ve experienced many traumas throughout my life but I dont know if that would have anything to do with my problems now. I’ve become numb to seeing any councelors because I’ve become so irritated with counceling that I feel like they dont help at all. Lately I’ve become a little hostile when somebody even mentions counceling cause I feel they just want to pump me full of medications just like the doctors want to always do.

  40. says

    I believe that if you have been diagnosed with depression (i.e. Major Depressive Disorder etc) and therapy isn’t working then a new approach is needed.

    I have had success in coaching with clients who have long-term depression. I’ve found it’s better to move away from the therapeutic focus of “delving deeper”, which really only takes you in circles. I truly believe a more effective treatment for depression is being mentored to take action to improve your life on a regular, structured basis that you measure objectively.

    Confidence is the best medicine for depression

  41. Santiago says

    I feel as if someone was sitting on my chest. A knot in my throat. As if I was trap in my own body: like I’m fighting with my self. I’m extremely hopeless and beaten. The real world has beaten me and I feel too weak to fight. In addition, I’ve lost all hope in humanity; humans are a species that takes pleasure in seeing their peers suffer.
    I know most of the things I say are not completely truth… But, I don’t know. I just feel so rotten and lonesome.

  42. Priya says

    I live in South Africa and although they claim to have public facilities to help those who cannot afford the help , it really is a total waste of time. I am currently trying desperately to get medical aid so that I can get the help I need but I feel like I may just drop dead before that. Its becoming so hard for me to get out of bed and get dressed to come to work . My life stinks in every possible way. I have carried around this pain and deadness in me for so many years its become apart of my life. I would love so much to just die , I am so tired of everything and everyone . I hate it when people think that you can just pretend like everything is okay and the depression will go away . I have tried all of that and I still feel like crap . I cant sleep or if I do sleep its just for a little while . I feel so run down , my entire body aches. I cant remember things anymore . Its beenone thing after another in my life ever since I was a little girl . I have actually heard people say things like ” she shouldnt be depressed she so beautiful , what does she have to worry about ” What kind of stupid thing is that to say to someone ??? Depression doesnt choose who it wants to torment , I sure as hell didnt ask for my life to turn out the way it did . I just want to feel like a normal person again , I cant go one wishing I was dead and thinking of ways to kill myself . No matter what I have endured through the years the one thing I always managed to do was to keep on fighting but right now I feel so sacred , I feel like my body and mind are about to shut down and there is nothing I can do to stop it …….
    I just want to crawl into a dark whole and die :-(

  43. Karen says

    I am a Christian and have been very depressed lately about a lot of things. I just found this blog and my heart wept for each of you. I prayed for each of you on this blog and this scripture was given to me for you and for myself.
    Isaiah 60:1
    Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you.

  44. Justin says

    I’am 11 and I have these symptoms of depression. I just want help… even my parents don’t help most of the time… My world is dead.

    • Carla says

      Oh my goodness!!
      You’re too young to feel depressed but i know many people of all ages feel depressed. It makes my heart hurt that you are feeling depressed at your age. My son is 11. I would die if i knew my son went online looking for help about feeling depressed!! He knows he can always talk with me about anything. If you feel that you cant talk with your parents, please tell a teacher! Tell another family member. They might ask you why do you feel depressed and you might not know exactly why, you just do. Or you might know exactly why you feel depressed. Gosh, please dont feel that your world is dead.
      I hope you get this reply and i hope you reply back to me. I hope you’re ok justin.
      Sending you hugs young man. 😎

  45. the anonymous says

    I have all 9 symptoms .. only thing keeping me alive, is my extremely high intelligence. i’ve been thinking about jumping in front of a train, cutting myself, hanging myself ..etc, but then it scares me that if i don’t die and i end up being paralized instead? that’s only thing keeping me from killing myself. I even had a gun at some point, but then i started thinking of those cases where someone gets shot in the head and survives. worst than death, is when you survive being paralized.

    i don’t know how to ask help, cuz everyone who knows about it, just call me lazy and think that i want attention. keeping to myself .. and ppl start whining at me like “ohhh whats wrong with you, why so sad, stop being like that”. it makes me furious and sometimes i want to kill their entire family, burn down their house and everything else they have and then look them in the face and say “oh hey, why so sad? why don’t you smile”.

    it fucking pisses me off how people think of “us”, the depressed people. some might care for a moment, for a day, or week or even a month, but then they get tired and no longer understand and want me to do something i know i can’t do … help myself, that’s something i can’t do. If i could, i would not be depressed.

    i hate this world, i really do. i have money and i’m somewhat famous, i run a website and make youtube videos for living, but it doesn’t make me happy. it keeps me from burning my house down or killing my neighbours. all my relationships go to shit with girls, cuz they don’t understand me. they want time and space and all that other bullshit which i can’t give them, i just stop trying and then they think i don’t care.

    I have no idea why i even looked up depression, i just did and found this article and since i have nothing better to do, i thought i’ll leave a comment on how i feel and how bad this really is.

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